I just finished week 3 of my new employment and I am completely wiped out. Totally and utterly. How do you mommies with full times job do it?! Seriously, my hats off to you. My piddly little 20 hours a week is wearing me out, and it's not even like my schedule has changed. I don't go to bed any later than usual or wake up any earlier, but I am utterly exhausted. When those wee little voices jolt me out of my slumber at 7:00 am I just want to pull the covers over my ears and pretend it was just a dream. And then after I've managed to pull myself out of bed, take care of our morning necessities, and feed my young, I just want to lay on the floor and pass out. I'm not like The Hubster, I can not fall asleep at the drop of a hat, but lately, if by some miracle a child is not jostling me or pulling my hair or whining in my ear, I can nod of like nobodies business. I'm that tired. And when I'm that tired I become a wretch. I don't think I've spoken nicely to my three year old in two and a half weeks. My tolerance for his three year old shenanigans has completely evaporated. We were playing Hi Ho Cherry-O today (my attempt at some quality time with him) and he was taking a fraction of a second too long to remove his requisite two cherries from the board and I lost it.
"Aidan! If you don't pick those cherries up and put them in the basket RIGHT NOW I am NOT going to keep playing with you!" I yelled at him in my meanest mommy voice ever. (So much for quality time.)
Wow. Get a grip, woman, I thought to myself, and then Emily started repeatedly shoving her fingers down her throat. She thought it was a game. She'd shove her fingers in there, start gagging and coughing, I'd pull them out, she'd giggle at me through her watering eyes and shove them back in, so she got a talking to. Oh gosh, I am so mean! Who yells at a one year old?! Me, thats who. Mean mommy, wretched mommy. Ugh, I do not really like myself a whole lot right now. But there's nothing to be done about the job situation. It's either that or we don't eat. Lovely when it comes down to that. And it's not permanent. I need to remind myself of that. It's not permanent and I won't always be like this. I just feel completely out of control. All my secret self-improvement projects I was working on have flown out the window. I'm just trying to survive here.
I'm being overdramatic. Being tired does that to me, too. Anyhoo...
Now I'm going to watch this. Chinese acrobats, ballet, Swan Lake: amazing.
Yeah, your wake/sleep schedule hasn't changed, but you're still one you trying to do more stuff than before, so it's natural to have to adjust. And yell.
Call me if you need a break or if you need to send the boy over to play.
I get like that even without going to work. A few months ago I screamed, and I mean really screamed, at Baby Girl for throwing her snack away when she was done with it. I was upset because I thought her brother might have liked to finish it for her. She was shaking in her boots over a few wasted apple chips. I've been working on it
It is to have so much on your plate, you are normal! It will get better! I worked full time for nine months after I had Mason and it was very hard but I had to work, there was no way around it, so I just plastered that smile on my face and did it! Like you said it's not forever, let that be your "motto"! If you need anything, let me know! You will be fine and your kids will never remember "Mean Mommy"! OK, I am rambling... talk you later!
Sorry you are so worn out. Hope you get adjusted soon. Loved the Chinese ballet. They are crazy flexible! I am horrible without sleep. I apologize to Josh all the time for being crabby. I am glad he is such a good sport.
Annie, you are not a wretch. You are a mother and wife who is trying to work on top of it. How do people do it? I know when you let out on your kids like that, it makes you feel like the worst person alive, but it is not YOU. You are a sweetheart, and I'm sure once you get a little more used to the juggling you will feel better. Good luck with the jobs.
7 comments:
Yeah, your wake/sleep schedule hasn't changed, but you're still one you trying to do more stuff than before, so it's natural to have to adjust. And yell.
Call me if you need a break or if you need to send the boy over to play.
I get like that even without going to work.
A few months ago I screamed, and I mean really screamed, at Baby Girl for throwing her snack away when she was done with it. I was upset because I thought her brother might have liked to finish it for her. She was shaking in her boots over a few wasted apple chips.
I've been working on it
It is to have so much on your plate, you are normal! It will get better! I worked full time for nine months after I had Mason and it was very hard but I had to work, there was no way around it, so I just plastered that smile on my face and did it! Like you said it's not forever, let that be your "motto"! If you need anything, let me know! You will be fine and your kids will never remember "Mean Mommy"! OK, I am rambling... talk you later!
poor you. your body will get used to it and you'll be better at mommyhood. i'm sending you energetic thoughts!
Sorry you are so worn out. Hope you get adjusted soon. Loved the Chinese ballet. They are crazy flexible! I am horrible without sleep. I apologize to Josh all the time for being crabby. I am glad he is such a good sport.
Annie, you are not a wretch. You are a mother and wife who is trying to work on top of it. How do people do it? I know when you let out on your kids like that, it makes you feel like the worst person alive, but it is not YOU. You are a sweetheart, and I'm sure once you get a little more used to the juggling you will feel better. Good luck with the jobs.
You guys are all really sweet. Thanks for the words of encouragement. :) Things are going better this week, I think! Hopefully the worst is over.
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