While there the kind doctor gave Aidan's "special" ear a gentle tug and asked me if he (the doctor) had ever talked to me about about fixing that ear, as in making it look more like the other one. The boy was born with one ear that looks more like a bat ear or a satellite dish, if you will. Maybe you've noticed? Dr. Bradley said that right now would be the best time to get it done. He didn't mention any medical benefit (although we didn't really get into it), but he did mention how other kids tend to tease other kids about things like that. Way to hit the Worry Button in a mom.
I told Dr. Bradley that we had not. In fact, except for one brief moment of panic and worry when he was a baby, I hadn't really thought all that much about having that ear fixed.
Husband said he didn't think we should get it fixed when I told him what Dr. B said. "It's how he's supposed to be," is what he said when I asked why. (He's pretty wise.)
As Aidan's mom, and being who I am, I am in a little turmoil over it. My Mama Bear instincts want to protect him. Let's pin that ear back and make sure that mean little punks won't have any ammunition against his looks with which to tease him. Let's spare him the heartbreak and the embarrassment of that first ill-advised ear joke. Kids are mean. Super mean these days. What kind of mom would I be if I didn't do my best to prevent that?!
But on the other hand, what am I teaching him by getting it "fixed"? Especially when it's not even on his radar as being an issue. He's not embarrassed about it. The crew he currently runs with doesn't make a peep about it (at least not that I've heard). If I bring it to his attention and then make him endure a traumatic and painful surgery will he start wondering what else is wrong with him or not good enough about him? Will he go through life thinking that he'll need to "fix" every abnormal thing about him, be it good or be it bad?
Okay, I know I'm over-thinking this and being a tad dramatic, but this is my baby. My eldest. The one that I'm going to mess up on the most simply because he is the first. The one with whom I already have a tremendous amount of guilt over.
Parenthood is hard and often sucks. There, I said it. It's impossible to know at any given time what is in the best interest of the child, what the ramifications may be years down the line and that drives me crazy.
In this case, I think we've decided to wait on the surgery, if we do it at all. I want him to feel good about who he is, bat ear and all. And if the time comes that his tender little heart gets bruised from unkind words, I hope I'll be able to help him heal from it.
3 comments:
It is a bit of a problem, isn't it? Dr. B. has a valid point about kids being mean and teasing. You also have a valid point about getting it fixed. I think it's wise to wait and see. If teasing becomes a problem later on, you can talk about it and tell him that there is something that can be done and let him be a part of the decision process.
I know, first hand, kids can be meaner than mean. But I think you're doing the right thing. Wait and see and it may never become an issue. If you guys don't make it an issue if/when the kids tease him about him, he may just be able to ignore it.
Kids will find something to tease another kid about if they want to tease them. I wouldn't put him through surgery if that's the only motivating factor at this point, but I can definitely understand the urge to do so. If it helps, think about all the very successful/famous people who have physical features that stand out (Will Smith's ears come to mind) and imagine what they'd be like without those. Not as memorable, I'm guessing. My friend Colby has an ear that looks like someone took a bite out of it and it never hurt him socially- the ladies loved him. (In fact most of us didn't even notice his ear until he'd say something about it. He kind of loves that ear.)
The thought occurs to me that maybe a good thing to do is teach Aidan to laugh at himself (and, if the need arises, his ear), or make the ear his "cool" ear, like Nemo's fin.
Wait and see is a great approach. But ultimately, there's no right or wrong answer here.
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