I am not a social person. I never have been, as evidenced by my non-existant dating/hanging out with friends life in high school and having only ever had one boyfriend ever: My husband. I am a homebody through and through. Plus, I am socially awkward. I can admit to that. I'm so socially awkward that when I'm in social situations that make me uncomfortable (i.e. every single one of them) I have to fight the urge to explain to those I am being social with that I am, indeed, socially awkward.
I knew this going into parenthood. I also knew that my social inadequacies could be detrimental to my children's own social skills and it has been with much trepidation that I have awaited the ever terrifying "playdate". I'm not talking about playing with the neighbor kids or kids from the ward, I'm talking about my child making friends with another child at school and then wanting to have a playdate with that child, who's mother I know only from preschool. I have avoided and skirted and dodged. I lucked out last year, but this year, we're only a month in and it's time to face the music.
Aidan has this friend at preschool. Enzo. And he is the cutest boy. And he is a good, good friend to my sensitive Aidan. They play "Star Wars" during play time at school and Aidan always comes home and says, "Hey, Mom! Guess what?! Enzo says I'm the best Star Wars player ever!" and "Mom! Enzo says I'm a really good Annikin!" They are buds and I knew that one day their friendship would have to venture outside of the safety of the preschool.
Yesterday, Aidan told me that Enzo told him that they were going to have a playdate. So today I set it up with his mother, but the source of my anxiety is this: I think his mother expects me to stay for the entire playdate. The anxieties that stem from that are:
1. The above mentioned lack of social skills, add to that poor small talk conversational skills.
2. They live in a big fancy house with a Jungle themed playroom. Our apartment is probably the size of their Jungle themed playroom.
and
3. If she expects me to stay during the playdate, then she will probably expect to stay at our place when Enzo comes over here. See number 1. And number 2.
I'm freaking out, just a little. I'm totally fine with dropping Aidan off and picking him up in an hour and I'm MORE than fine with her dropping Enzo off at our place, but PLEASE!! Do I have to entertain her too? Do I have to be her friend, too?! Is it a packaged deal? I don't know! What is the etiquette here?
I am so nervous. Ridiculous, perhaps, but I am.
9 comments:
Relax. The worst thing that could happen is that she thinks you're a total freak. JUST KIDDING. Annie - you are TOTALLY AWESOME. I am sure no matter how big your jungle themed house is (ok so it only houses jungle animals, it's not a jungle theme) you will be fine whether or not you have to entertain her or vice versa. You have something in common - your kids like each other. Just come move to Maryland and we can have playdates and Tyler and Emily and Aidan can be friends and then you can be socially awkward as much as you want cause you know I'm gonna love you no matter what. P.S. if she thinks you are a freak I will come kick her butt with my mad ninja skills, learned from my 3 year old.
Calm down, dude. Everything is going to be fine. I have struggled with the etiquette of playdates, too. You could ask, "Did you need me to stay with Aidan, or should I just come pick him up in an hour?" That way she seems like a wimp if she "needs" you to stay.
Enzo sounds like an awesome BFF. His mom must be cool, too. Not as cool as Aidan's mom, but cool.
first of all...this kid's name is Enzo? LOVE IT. secondly, you're awesome and you need to remember that. if all else fails, just take the liz lemon approach and embrace your awkwardness.
I like Melissa's suggestion. I think I'm going to use it myself. Also, maybe she'll be cool and you'll want to be her friend. Or maybe not. Maybe beforehand you could say, "I was hoping to run to (Target/the grocery store/the library) while the boys play, would that be alright with you?" ? Yeah, that's all I've got.
Melissa and Wendy have the appropriate answer. And just so you know, play date is a fairly recent term. Back in your day, it was called "Can Annie come over and play?". I never tagged along.
P.S. Sorry that somewhere along the way, I failed to help you with social skills. Could it be that I am a little socially awkward and therefore could not help you kids out in that area??
Me again - if it turns out that she wants you to hang around - call me. I'll give you a list of things that you can talk about. You already have a couple of things in common - two little boys.
Oh my gosh I feel like I am reading my future blog! In fact, up until the child part it could be mine now! I think i'll just copy and paste the first paragraph to my own blog and give you credit for it.
When I use to have play dates with the two little boys I nannied, I would rejoice when the parents would wave from their car shouting "Thanks for having them over!" as their shoving their child out the door. PHEW, no need for small talk when they don't feel the need to walk their child in and stay an awkward while.
Thanks for the love and the advice, all. I'll let you know how it goes.
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